Grumpy Moo in the fight against Sod's Law

Rant rant rant...
Does anyone else feel like they are rising from a four week coma every morning- or is it just me? I mean, I sleep- when I eventually get to sleep- like the dead. This is a problem that few seem to think a problem at all. 'Oh I'm a reaaaally light sleeper... early riser... blah blah effing blah'

Not me. I sleep through alarms, post men knocking- even an earthquake once. No sh*t. When I eventually manage to get my poor eyelids open I need nothing short of physio to get my legs and everything else working. Consequently I pretty much sleep in for anything- usually work. You see I think I need some sort of sleep therapy. Everyone else just thinks I'm a lazy bitch.

So to get to the point, this morning I was actually called to come in an hour early for work. An hour early. The mistake was in the answering of the phone.... Then of course you cant say no because you feel guilty so it's better to go and and make them feel guilty for asking you to be there in the first place. Although I dont think that works... so I had to be in for 10.45 am. Id only finished work last night at midnight. I found myself croaking verrry grudgingly that I would. The boyf called me an idiot and rolled over- then I fell back unconscious.....

10.30 and I'm hopping around my bedroom pulling on a skirt n bra, boyf ;'your not wearing that bra with that t-shirt are you' -glare from me and then I just left him, jumped in my golf with shit hair and creases still on my face from my pillow. All I needed was a clean run to get me to the transmission room on time to put the 11am bulletin out. So then I'm blocked by a big delivery van in my lane. Then I get on the road to be stopped by all the reds. Then I get nicely snug behind an effing bus that I HAVE NEVER SEEN ON MY ROUTE TO WORK BEFORE, pull out from behind it to get snugly behind a... milk float? Jesus the language. Blue I tell you, just blue. Get on the final stretch on the road outside my work to have to slow down because my workmate Asta (a paraplegic but nifty in his wheelchair) went whizzing across in front of me.

Delivery van, Red lights, Bus, Milk float and man in wheel chair. The only thing missing was two blokes carrying an improbably sized sheet of glass across the road.

Still made it though so f*ck you Sod's Law, I won :)

Someone killed them on Porpoise...

So we were strolling along a beach on the Northeast coast when we see the poor dead porpoise.

'Is that a black n white dolphin?' [we asked each other]

'I think you will find its a porpoise' [said a knowledgeble passer by]

'Is it plastic or real?' [we asked]


'Oh its real alright' [passer by waggles porpoises fin]

'Im going to take a picture of it' [I said]

Que much amusment from fellow friends who thought this a sick idea. In fact every dead thing we came across on that bloody break had my mates going 'go on Les, take a picture' and sniggering like they were total stand up or something.

Anyhooo I gets back to work and proudly showed my colleagues my shiny new camera, with my holiday pictures, and the picture of the dead porpoise- and most people were rather impressed you know. Then I sat at my desk and started to work through the news stories where I then I came across a story in the Calendar East newslist called, funnily enough, 'Porpoise'.
It said:
A criminal investigation is underway after a number of porpoises were found deliberately killed on the east coast. Its believed up to 30 of the mammals have either been shot or bludgeoned to death over the past few weeks. Most of them have been found along a 300 yard stretch of beach near the village of Barmston. Porpoises are protected under the 1981 wildlife act. Anyone convicted of harming one could face six months in jail.

So they used my picuters on the news.

And that is the story of how I became a super-sleuth-mcintrye-investigates photographer, or even like Rocket from 'City of God' but without the Brazilian drug lords. I even got £125 for the picture off photo agency Ross Parry so nur...

The End.

Monday, Monday...

Still feels weirdy beardy this. I mean, writing stuff that other people might read. Well anyway it's Monday, its raining, its reminding me why Im packing my job in and buggering off in 3 months time... hmm its a good thing my current job as media blagger allows so much time to toss it off on this thing.

Still. So many things to think about. Just over a year ago there was a house, a job, a 6 year relationship, and a cat. Then a split, a heartbreak, a move to an anticipated houseshare hell- that was not so bad after all, and the meeting of some groovy people who are now (well Im sure they will be) life long friends. A few romantic...ummmm... 'skirmishes' and now an accidentally aquired lovely boyfriend that I'm going to have leave behind in August which is fairly rubbish and is a fair example of the old adage´you cant have everything´

Ferris Bueller was right, life does move pretty fast....

in the beginning...

Oh Christ..

Dunno where to effing start here. Probably not the best idea to start with swearing though. Just had a boozy lunch and too much time on me hands... so thought I would do this... and now feel a bit thick and not witty at all.

Ah im sure it will come with time.... just bear with me :)