Back to Bangkok with De-lick Zoo-rander

So the reason my boyfriend had to love 'n leave me in Australia was because he'd been head hunted for modeling in Bangkok. J had signed up to a Sydney 'extras' agency nearly a year ago and had financed some of his traveling being in commercials- crowd shots etc- for easy money. Tellingly, he had actually 'featured' in two adverts in Korea that he has never seen, one for Dunkin Donuts and one, hilariously, for a dandruff shampoo ad. Anyway being reasonably embarrassed by this it was something of an 'in joke' and I loved winding him up about it. It stopped being funny when one day on the snow slopes his mobile phone came into reception and the agency rang with an interesting proposition. Would Jason fancy living in Bangkok for 3 months modeling and audtioning for ads? He could make a lot of money from his 'look' because the Thais love 'mixes' and he was a mix of half English, with a dash of Chinese, Portuguese and Filipino. He's from East Ham- sounds about the norm really.
Anyway he was a bit torn because of plans already laid out for traveling up to Broome together and then Vietnam and Cambodia before heading to Thailand. He asked me what I would do. I said (reluctantly) that I would take the modeling and so should he....
So offski he went whilst I finished the last part of Aus. It was actually a surprisingly hard couple of weeks for the pair of us- we'd been glued together for seven months after all. Anyway I decided to visit him in Bangkok for a while before heading to Vietnam and got a ridiculously cheap flight from Darwin to Bangkok for 180 quid! I was landing on the 16th and I knew J had a job in Malaysia for a night and a day on the 17th, so we'd have a night to see each other- then he'd have to go.
I got pretty hammered on my last night in Darwin, thinking that I'd sleep the whole way to my connection flight to Singapore. Not really though, and then when my cheapie flight got me to Singapore I realised my skintflintness cost me in that I was stuck in the 'budget' departures lounge for SIX HOURS. It was the most boring six hours of my life I swear- and not helped by my slight hangover. Anyway jumped the plane for my two hour flight to Bangkok, got changed in the toilets and freshened up, was even a little nervous about seeing J again... Would he still fancy me after 2 weeks of being shoulder to shoulder with the leggy models? Would I look like road kill after 20 hours on the go?
Grabbed my bag and skipped through the gate to see a million Thai faces looking for loved ones etc. Couldn't see my loved one at all... I wandered around the arrivals gate for ten minutes but it was total madness- couldn't see him anywhere and my mobile didn't work so couldn't call him- or have an address etc. Eventually I found a western guy with his typically thai tiny bird and asked if I could be cheeky enough to use his mobile. He let me and I called J only to find he was about ten metres from me- it was that mental in there.
Anyway total relief, massive hugs n' kisses and slight surprise because I'd kind of forgotten what he looked like! He said the same- both of us nicely surprised. Then, after more massive hugs he said 'I've got some bad news'.
I looked at him and was like 'You have to go to Malaysia today don't you.'
He nodded.
When?
'Ah man, in like, 45 minutes. They told me this morning and I've been running around sorting it out- I've been panicking thinking you would turn up, Id be on the flight and you'd be stuck in the airport'.
There was nothing for it- I just burst out crying like a complete girl. We had 30 mins standing in an arrivals gate hugging, crying, and shushing before he had to give me some Thai baht, directions to his apartment and his agency phone number. Then he was off and I was alone in another dodgy Bangkok cab heading to the Thai suburb of Town in Town.
Or Towwwwintowwww as the thais say.
Got to 'Towintow' and was dumped outside JIMS model agency to be greeted by J's agent and booker, Pavie and Nikki.
'Hulllo! Hullo Jaysons gir-fren'!' I was dragged into the agency, shown to the office and talked about in Thai for 5 minutes before Pavie mercifully dropped my off at the apartment.
Hell.
But, when the boy in question turned up the next night it was worth it. Happy happy joy joy.
So that was over two weeks ago and theres a few things I could tell you about the 'model lifestyle' of Bangkok....
For some reason, club and bar promoters in Bangkok think getting models into their gaff will mean the instant success of the club night. So bars such as 'Koi' give out 10 free drink tickets per model on production of a 'Model headshot' card, plus a free meal from the 'Models Menu'. Presumably because half the girls there look like they need feeding up. Then other bars such as Escudo, and clubs like Santika, Flicks or Black & White also give out free drinks tickets. The beautiful spawny bastards need not spend anything but the cab fare all night. Or the girlfriend of one hahaha. On Halloween me, J and 4 of the more sound males models went to Santika and they didn't even ask for a card. So one of the lads (Texan Thai) Justin says 'Hey, look Lesley just sign up' so I did, got my free 10 drinks even though I was six inches shorter and two stone heavier than any other girl model that night- hahaha wayyyy!! I was destroyed the next day.
So my liver is hurting from too many of these nights out. Intimidating at first, I wasn't keen to go 'hang out' with a load of models but actually its quite funny to check it out. The majority of the blokes wear white 'wife beater' vests so you can see their muscles and the girls are all about 17-21, beautiful, and horribly drunk. They are all so good looking that non of them really stand out. Bit sad really. We made a mate in the form of 20 yr old Andrew, a Thai American from Washington, DC. Originally over in SE Asia for a Tsunami project, he looked up his brother living in Bangkok, whos girlfriend was a model in JIMS and suggested he join. Although he hasn't had an assignment yet he has made great use of everything free he can get his hands on and just human pinballs his way around nightclubs and bars, wrecked on gin and tequila, hating other models. He's pretty switched on and I liked him immediately. He confessed his horror at sitting in a casting one day and having to listen to one male model talk about hair gel for ten minutes. The 'Derek Zoolander' thing is more on the mark than you would know and I comfort myself with the thought that J has at least got a degree in Natural Sciences....

The agency keeps picking on Andrew to gain weight and to act 'more manly'. Conversely when J arrived he was told he was too fat (70kg and 5'10) and that he had to get a six pack in 2 weeks. Jesus. The first time I went on a night out with his agency lot, his booker Nikki took me aside and told me I should get on the dieting pills like herself. 'Yeah, Lesssleee, I lost 15 kilos in 6 months!' Well, what could I say? I thought about 'Piss off you cheeky cow' but choose a diplomatic silence....
Anyway aside from that, due to the length of time here and that we are living in the Thai version of Hollywood (or Bollywood if you know what I mean) it means not so many people speak English and so we've had to get stuck into learning a few words. Got my directions and pleasantries down- and numbers! Jason is more tenatious at practicing though and gets his point across. And the food, oh yum, the food is frickin great! The street stall stuff is so good and with good recommendations you can find stuff better than in the restaurants. Noodle soups, curries, although ordering a plate of mixed green vegetables has taken us 3 weeks to figure out. Only managed that today. Average meal costs about 35 baht- 50 pence. If you get take away they give it to you in small knotted plastic bags, and if you want a drink with ice in then that also comes in a plastic bag- you have to hold it till its finished.
Other than that I have been to most markets and malls here; Platinum, MBK, Siam Discovery, and also the Night Bizarre (cool, and great food) and the Godfather of all monster markets- Chatuchack, a claustrophobic maze of clothes stalls, food stalls and niknaks. Went to MBK to pick up a pair of jeans and MY GOD, shopping away from Koh San Road has its problems for your 'curvy' Farang (western) lady. The Thais are so thai-ny! You look at a dress or skirt and they'll shout out 'noooo, lady yoo tooo big!!' My first week of this was, well, shit to be quite frank with you. But Im getting used to it. Remember my near fight with the Chickboy in April? Bloody rude. Sometimes I have gotten really upset about it and it's Jason who sorts my head out and tells me to let it wash over me. So I found a Zara in one of the shopping centres, found a size meduim skirt that fitted me just fine and felt better about the whole thing. Bloody midgets. They haven't got any boobs either so there.
To get away from the mentalness, J and I took a weekend trip to Koh Samet, an island 3 hours drive south of Bangkok and had a fantastic time. I thought, with the island being in such close proximity to Bangkok, that it would be rubbish- but it was lovely!! Went down to the relatively quiet beach of Ao Vong Duan and got a villa for three nights, right next to the beach. It was chilled, the water was warm and greeny blue and we just blissed out. Lovely.
So still have a few things on the list to 'tick', Mhuy Thai boxing match, Thai cooking course, and Timo Mass playing in a 'non model endorsed' venue on Wednesday which should be great. In the meantime I have to confess I've been getting into Yoga and hurt all over. It's harder than it looks... Should be one bendy brown thing by time I get home for xmas....

Shoo fly, don't bother me! Ah don't want yo' c'pany!

I got on the bus, found a double seat behind the driver and concentrated on ignoring my hangover. We had a three hour drive through Clare Valley to Alligator Gorge in which time I managed to discrace myself by having to ask the driver to pull over so I could go and be surreptisously sick behind the van. Im 28 years of age now for chrissake, when will this ever end?! Climed back on the bus and could see 14 sympathetic strangers, and Jonny, all looking at the 'poor girl who must get travel sick'. It was like being back on the Brazil tour again and that was a year ago. Anyway we get to the Gorge for a 2km walk which was the frickin last thing I wanted to do in the BAKING heat, and so powered walked through it to get it over with (it was, in retrospect, very beautiful) and then upon getting back to the van held my breath for 5 minutes so I could use the disgusting 'non flush decompossing toilets' which made me retch. Then we got back on the bus to the railway township of Quorn for lunch, and had only travelled 5 minutes when I had to get the van to stop AGAIN so I could throw up the litre and a half of water I'd necked on the walk. Sheepish? Well of course.
At Quorn we tried to set up for lunch and were immediatley set upon by a BAZILLION flies. It was pretty gross trying to get a sandwich in your mouth without getting a fly in it- or in your salad or whatever. And they just want to get in your eyes, ears, nose and mouth and are so PERSISTENT. Everyone just sat around the picnic tables trying to eat their sandwich whilst perfoming weird martial art hand movements to get them away. Jonny just stuck his fingers up his nostrils and in his ears....
Just a side point... You may or may not know that Australia has had something of a banana crop crisis since the cyclones in March took out lots of the crops in N. Queensland. Well anyway bananas have soared in price and have been pretty crap- yellowy brown freckled stumpy things for astronomical sums. I hadnt had a banana since then but in Quorn there were some massive, greeny yellow healthy looking ones so I picked one off and took it to the counter. I was excited! Until of course she rang up that ONE BANANA for the princely sum of $4.50!!!!! Thats nearly TWO QUID for a banana!! I wanted to chuck it at the tillies head- but instead checked my hungover, fly infested temper and gave it back.
We set off to the Yourallumba Caves on the way to Parachilna to check out some real Aboriginal rock art (you really have to hike to see this stuff- it's all hidden in caves miles off the beaten track) we took the photos and then arrived at the weirdy beardy little, town? Village? Street of Parachilna that has a population of five people. It has a road, a school (why a school I have no idea) some little set up for tourists and of course, the Aussie House of Worship : The Pub.
The village has been used in a few famous Aussie films, most notably, Rabbit Proof Fence and survives on this and the tourist trade. It has Australias longest running stretch of railway running along it and so we sat on the platform, looking out onto real aussie outback, and watched the big orange fire ball drop into sunset before having a BBQ of Emu burgers, Camel sausages and Kangaroo steak. The steak wasnt too bad but the the burgers and bangers just tasted all wrong....
The next day we headed to the Flinders Rangers to check out Wilemena Pound. This included a tricky 3 hour hike up Mt Ohlessen-Bagge that resulted in amazing views of the desert and Lake Torrens. Then we arrived at Rawnsley Park sheep station for dinner and a campfire before bed.
Coober Pedy
It was a looooooong long drive to our next destination of Coober Pedy. We had to set off at 6am for this 8 hour drive and on the way stopped at the salt lake Lake Heart. It was a bit like the ones I saw in Bolivia and was a bit weird walking on the salt flats again on a different continent. It used to be used as a bomb testing site by the British (of course) and so we had to stay behind recommended guidelines lest we blew ourselves up. We eventually got to Coober - which is an outback town famous for the mining of Opals, and also for the unique way the people live there. Before WWII many blokes had decided to chance their luck at mining for opal in this harsh land that can reach temperatures of up to 50 degrees. After the war, many ex soldiers realised after living in cold clammy trenches that this would be a cooler way to live while they 'noodled' for the stones and so dug trenches to live and keep cool. The result is a town that lives underground in 'dugout houses' that keep a temperture all year round of 25 degrees. There's a church, a pub, you name it- it can be found underground. We had an opal tour and had to watch an AWFUL film on the history of opal mining before being turned loose for pizza and a beer in the underground pub. One thing I can say about Coober is that it has a reputation for undesirables wanting to live there- of stories of people 'dissappearing' there and that if someone arrives at Coober Pedy, they must have something they want to get away from. Our guide gave us about 100 sq metres that she would prefer we roamed in lest we got hasselled by boozy Aborigines and it all added to the feeling that Coober was a place you could go for a night only. It's a pretty strange place.
Uluru
We set off at the ungodly hour of 5am to travel towards Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park passing the odd Red Kangaroo but sadly no Thorney Devils. This tour was not for wimps. On the way there, Arnie, our bus driver, pointed out a lump in the distance and asked 'Is that Uluru??' and we all got a bit excited. But it wasn't- it was just some moutain range that looked a bit like a toothbrush when you got to see it properly. The guides nickname it 'Fool-aru'. Har har. When we eventually did see Uluru in the distance there was no mistaking it. Having made good time we immeditatley set off on the Walpa Gorge walk to Kata Tjuta (aka The Olgas) which were bloody amazing! Everyone yaps on about Uluru but Kata Tjuta had a a real 'red planet' weirdy beardy feel to it. It's hard to explain what seeing these things up close is like. It's like being on Mars. And also, The Olgas in the distance look abit like Homer Simpson lying down.... We then drove to the Uluru sunset point with hundreds of other tourists and got ourselves a good spot to watch the rock blaze red before sunset with a glass of bubbly in hand. Everyone was quite moved- I thought Jonny was going to cry- because it's not like The Eiffel Tower, or the Statue of Liberty or any other man made thing. Uluru is imposing nature and deserves the word Awesome. We camped in swags that night around the campfire (the mozzies were as persistent as the flies and I got stung on my nose- about the only thing poking out of my swag.) The next morning at 4AM we all had to get up for Uluru sunrise and I was only a little perturbed to find Dingo footprints all around my, and everyones elses swags. On the bus everyone was quiet due to TOTAL knackeredness and Arnie set the mood playing digeridoo music. We stopped behind Uluru to take photos of the shilouette (really good- probably my favourate view of Uluru and we had many) and then we went to the 'sunrise' point to get a view of Uluru waking up. The skies were pink and vanilla, stretching off across the desert and there was a spate of Dingo howls for a few minutes. Then the sun came up and we all oohed n arrhed. Are you going to ask me 'Did you climb it?' Well I had decided along with a few others on the tour not to. The Aboriginal people hate anyone climbing it and when they were given the rights to the land back by the government, they were forced to still let the rock be open for climbing. Being of great significance to the people spiritually the equivalent of climbing it is probably doing the Can-Can inside St Peters Cathedral. Anyway they have posters and t-shirts all over the gaff asking people 'not to climb'. The Aboriginal word for people who climb it is... Mingers! Mingers are 'ants that climb up the rock'. So if you climb it your a minger hahaha. Anyway I opted for the 3 hour walk around it (its heeeeeowj) and the others who wanted to climb it, after all that, couldnt because it was closed due to high winds.....
Kings Canyon
We razzed over to Kings Canyon for bedtime campfire swaggy business where I had a few too many 'Goon wines' and then in the morning set up for our hike of the day. I was going to be fitter than Anneka Rice at this rate. The Canyon rim walk was 7.2 Km long beginning with Heartattack Hill- 150m of rocky uneven steps and through 'Prescillas Crack'. The Aussie film Prescilla: Queen of the Desert filmed scenes here and apparently once a year some of Australias finest transvestites stagger the walk in their size 9 stilletoes. We then began clambering down to the Garden of Eden which is in the shaded part of the canyon and has tropical plants growing there and a rain pool. In this desert. And for some unknown reason a duck swims around in the pool and no one knows how a duck ended up there....
Alice Springs
As you can imagine after a week of hiking and 4/5am wake up calls we were all completely bushed when we got to Alice and the knees up the group planned just didnt really happen because the bar was kerrrr-ap. Spent the next 3 days chilling, shopping in the Sunday markets and saying goodbye to half of the tour that wasnt heading to Kakadu. Had a bit of night down in the Bojangles pub, a bit of 'saloon' style pub that has cameras in it linked to the internet. Myself, Jo And Vix (off tour) all watched Jonny cavort infront of the cameras so his brother in Durham could have a laugh at him 12,ooo miles away. Then the next day it was sad goodbyes to Jo who was flying to Sydney (she was one hilarious bird) and then Jonny, Vix and myself had to meet the group that would be heading to Kakadu.
The next three days were fairly chilled affairs as between Alice and Darwin there isnt so much to see- you just have to clock up some miles to get there. However Adventure Tours made a good effort that saw us stop at the offical line of The Tropic of Capricorn (Im a Capricorn so had the compulsory photo) and then a stop off at the Devils Marbles- huge great boulders of red granite strewn about the desert in a weird Salvador Dali-esque landscape. By this point I'd seen enough red rocks so I was getting abit 'Oh yeah. Weird. Drive on please' and was also nearly passing out from the heat. We stayed at Banka Banka cattle station that night in Helen Springs and had an entertaining talk on cattle farming from Will, the guy who ran it. The next day we headed to Katherine Gorge via the infamous Daly Waters Pub- the oldest pub in the Northern Territories. This place really was in the middle of nowhere and yet there was still a couple working behind the bar from Liverpool! Ha! The pub was covered with all kinds of backpacker paraphanalia- t-shirts, bras, pants, flip flops- all with peoples names and countries on- people left bank notes, ID cards, police badges- you name it, it was stapled to a wall in the pub. I even graffitied a bit of wall myself... then we headed to Matarkana to swim in the thermal pools- really lovely if you didnt mind the hundreds of Flying Fox bats hanging in the trees above hehe.
Lesley Moment #153'550
So we all end up around another campfire and I have a couple of Smirnoff Ices. Everyone is getting along nicely and a few group photos are taken. I set the camera on timer so that I can also get in the campside picture and leg it through the dark and smash straight into a massive rock- bashing my right shin, left knee, cutting my left hand and scraping my forearm. The pain was sickening and I had to be carried off to the food hut to have first aid... and I have a lovely picture of the whole group looking behind themselves to see a girl crashing into a rock. My legs were a mess :( I am irredemably a biff.
Katherine Gorge and some of the group
Was lovely. Big rivers running through 'Crocadile Dunndee' style landscapes, and so we had a bit of a canoe down the Freshwater Crocodile waters in the morning, mooring on a little beach for a swim with the crocs and the catfish before heading to Darwin for the night. I have to mention a very special couple at this point. When we aquired our new group three days previously, we got a 19 year old German boy and 29 year old Dutch guy, 2 Japanese girls, 3 german girls, a nurse from Perth, a waitress from Sydney, an aussie couple expecting their first child.... and then Harold and Barbara from Melbourne, aged 72 and 77 respectively. When these two clambered onto the van I thought 'Jesus Christ, what the hell are they on this tour for???' I'm a fairly fit individual- the tour brochure demands a certain level of fitness to complete it and after the first week I could see why. But these two were OLD. However after a couple of days with them it became apparent that these two were going to be very entertaining. True Blue Aussies, Harold and Barbs bickered their way up the red centre, always doing every hike and always looking on the verge of a heart attack. When Sanders, the Dutch dude, got in the front of the 4WD he grabbed the mic and asked Harold to tell the group about Barbera and vice versa.
Harold: ' Well I tried me bladdy hardest to come on me own on this tour. And if Id have known there was gonna be so many beautiful girls on it Id have tried a lot harder! I cook, I clean, I have no bladdy idea what she does but I cant seem to get rid of her' - then much cackling.
Barbs just shrugged and giggled. In between them sat a poor Japanese girl who had no English and had to mediate between the two of them for the last three days in Kakadu.
Litchfield National Park
So we get a new tour guide, Jamie and she takes us towards the Park via some MASSIVE termite mounds. I know you are probably thinking 'Why would you want to see these things' but they were massive- one had the nickname The Cathedral and there were so many it looked like some weird cemetary- just thousands of stone coloured mounds for miles. Then we went to Florence Falls and Buley Falls for a swim in some magical waterfalls. At one point Harold took a bit of a turn and we thought maybe he really was having a heart attack. It scared the bejesus out of Jamie and attracted alot of attention. he was fine eventually but despite being a lovely guy- whoever had booked this couple onto such a strenuos tour should have been shot- it just wasnt suitable for them. Anyway we were taken to a much more relaxing activity- a river cruise on the Mary River to go Saltwater and Freshwater croc spotting. Again, it reminded me of being in the Pantanal in Brazil- with many tropical birds as well as the crocs. Lovely lovely.
The next day we went to Maguk (Barramundi Gorge) for a swim in the rock pools- big blue skies, red rocks and green fauna, the cool waters were just the ticket for my aching tush- those 4WD on the dirt tracks just rattle your bones I swear. Jamie showed us some underwater caves to swim under but I wimped out. We went to Ubirr for another nature walk- saw the most impressive Abo rock art on the trip and then climbed the lookout point to look at the plains- that looked like the Serengeti. It was a scene used in Crocodile Dundee, when Mick D says 'Welcome to my office'. We sat off and watched another amazing sunset...
Jim Jim Falls and Twin Falls
The most tricky of the hikes, but most fun, was Jim Jim. You had to clamber over huge boulders and rocks like an 8 year old and poor old Harold had to stay behind- but stubborn Barbs insisted on coming. Oh it was a worry. Eventually we made it to the canyon where the falls would 'fall' in the rainey season, but for now we were rewarded with a white beach around a lake, in the canyon. There was no way you could pass up a swim after the effort of getting there so we did. Then we clambered back over the boulders (took about half an hour) and headed to Twin Falls. Twin Falls was only accessible by a boat service and you couldnt swim in it because it was Salty Croc infested- but my was it beautiful. The sand was so hot it burned your feet but it was like something out of The Beach. On the way back you could get drenched by a shower before getting on the boat- which was a good idea after basking in that heat and not being able to swim in it. All in, Kakadu was the best part of the out back. You get the red earth and the blue skies, but you also get the water, as well as really good rock art and all of the 'roos and possums etc. Everyone felt refreshed, happy, and it was the end of the tour- and a great way to spend my last day in Australia after 10 and a half months here! We all went out in Darwin, got a bit twisted, and then after saying sad goodbyes to a great crew, and adopted brother Jonny, I jumped a rickshaw (yep- in Darwin) to the hostel, grabbed my stuff and headed for my plane to Bangkok.

Razzin around like a Tassie Devil

Oh its happened again. I keep meaning to log in and tell y'all about it and then loads happens, I'm a busy bee and have no effing time to type it down. Oh well, as my mate Scouse Mick once said, lifes for living, not writing about....

So I was in the Aussie 'Snow' having a bit of culture shock to living in a tiny snow village with a load of mad aussies. Once published, that last blog entry recieved mixed reviews about how harsh I'd been on the old Aussie humour and looking back- it was a bit scathing. I made some great mates there and was sad to say goodbye to the 'Stillwell Posse' that was my lodge. It was by far the best lodge to work in, best food and best craic. The village, a bit like Emmerdale with snow, had it 'all going on'. We had a sexual harrasment charge, and assault charge with police on ski mobilies turning up the next day. Got barred from the only pub in the village a few times. Blagged on the lifts and never bought a season pass... Ended the whole season with an infamous group staying at Stillwell called the 'Funhoggs' who drank Bloody Marys with their breakfast and were pished for the whole week. Every night after dinner they and all staff had to go out into the cold snowy night and shout 'Some MITTY! Some TITTY! Sooooome SUCK! -SUCK SUCK!' and neck a Schnapps- on the house by them. As staff we were knackered after a week of that. Jason aquired the nickname 'Seagull' for being a greedy bastard and had to explain to customers that the cookie jar saying 'Not For Seagulls' was actually a deterent for him- and no their were not any seagulls near Mt Kosiosko even though some 'basic' customers got a bit confused at the sign. Brooke would just cackle 'Nah, we used to have a crow turn up for scraps but now we've got a seagull upstairs that scared him away hahaha'.

So, with a mixture of relief (it was a small place) and sadness (goodbye little sister Brooke you alchie, Michal you love, and Bree you bossy boots) Jason and I headed back briefly to Sydney to pack up some stuff and say goodbye to the depleted Sydney gang of Heather, Chris & Kerry, Samuel and also Matt n Marcus, before flying off to the cheeky little Island/State of Tasmania!
We'd made a bit of a friend at the beginning of the snow season in 23 year old Patrick. Patrick is as dry as a desert and funny too, and probably regretted the casual invite to look after us when we emailed him and said we were coming. Pat likes to pick up other peoples slang words and use them in Tassie convo. His favourite when we stayed was 'you mong'.

Tasmania
Now every mainlander Aussie who heard we were going to Tassie asked 'What the bloody hell for?!!' but with hand on heart it was one of the most hospitable and friendly places I've visited. Patrick and his girlfriend Jackie picked us up from the airport with the aid of their friend Cass and her car and then took us to Hobart. Then we were introduced to Dan over nachos in a cafe in Salamanca waterfront. Then Pat n' Jacks had to go to work so Dan, who we'd only known 30 minutes, took us on a tour of Hobart! Pat and Jackie lived in a self contained flat within Jackies parents bungalow (Australia loves bunglows!) so effectively we were staying with Jackies parents and we had only really just met her also. Her parents Ian and Glenwyn were absolutley lovely and I could have stolen the family pet dog Moe who had a 'Gap' hoodie and was just one cute pooch.
We stayed a week and packed so much in. That first night, with our hosts working late, Cass and Dan picked us up and took us to Cassies beachside Clifton home for a roast dinner, complete with her neices giving us a bit of a show and also getting to meet a MENTAL Chiauaua called Diesel. Then when Pat & Jacks turned up we all went down to Clifton beach to check out the stars which were amazing. On the Friday we mountain biked down Mount Wellington, complete with geeky crash helmets and had a nose at the old Cascade Brewery- the oldest one in Australia. We went to the 'infamous' Salamanca markets on the Saturday and then took a tour to Port Arthur. You know how we joke that Australia was Englands biggest prison 200 years ago? Well if you were a 'crim' who wouldnt learn in NSW then you got deported to Port Arthur in Tasmania which at that time was probably the arse end of the world for an English man. The place is now a heritage site with many of the buildings preserved and after dark you can go on a 'Ghost Tour' which we did. Didnt see any ghosts unfortuantley but was a good laugh all the same. You had to feel for the poor buggers who served there- it was just a wretched place.
We took a day trip to Freycinet National park so we could check out Wineglass Bay- which was picture perfect. Then we took a 3 hour hike around the Peninsula which just knackered us out.
Jackie and Pat were a pair of 'musos' and had tickets to a Blues festival/concert type thingy and we were lucky, along with Dan, to be able to get in. This thing wasnt in a big arena, or field though. It was held in a kind of country Roadhouse cum pub in the middle of nowhere and was jam packed. We got to see Australias prevelent Bluesman Ash Grunwald, who was amusing as well as very good. I even bought a cd.
To round off the trip we took a tour to Russell Falls and the surrounding nature walks which reminded me alot of New Zealand and then we headed to The Sanctuary to see some real live Tassie Devils! I have to say, I thought they were quite cute- a bit like pot bellied pigs but with MASSIVE chompers. These ones didnt seem too scary as they were in captivity and seemed to like the ready supply of meat the warden chucked them. You would'nt want a bite off them though- you would definately lose your fingers. We also checked out all the small Wallabies, Euros (little Kangaroos) Possems and a very groovy, very chilled, and very HEEEE-OWJ Koala.
So yeah, Tassie in a week was jam packed. After a week our hosts must have breathed a sigh of relief that they had actually got rid of us but I hope when P&J (who start a RTW trip in November) land in the Uk they will let us repay the favour. They were feckin' brilliant.
And after all that, we flew to Melbourne.

Melbourne
We landed in Melbourne and decided to treat ourselves to a double room in a budget hotel rather than hostelling it for the first night. We checked out the cinema (Nacho Libre- ummm not that good) and had some nice Japanese grub before turning in. The next day we headed to the suburb of St Kilda so I could see it for myself after watching The Secret Life of Us years ago. Such a fan. Anyway St Kilda, in fact Melbourne, is very quirky and has a distinctly funkier feel than Sydney. We met another 'Ex Snow Bunny' in the shape of Amy from Sussex who took us to a club with the dubious name Brown Alley. Anyway, I didnt rate it- J thought it was alright. Next day we met up with Jonny Bancroft, a Geordie we also met in the snow. The original plan was for the three of us to head up the red centre together, but with Jason having to go to Thailand on the 2nd October it meant Jonny and I would be doing that together instead. Anyway due to not living in Melbourne, or even knowing anyone in the know (my hotmail had locked me out so couldnt email any of the melbourne mates I had lined up) we had a bit of a haphazard night out that took us from one side of the city to the other. We started in a too cool for school bar in Brunswick, then ended up in the deadest club ever near St Kilda- even though it had really good music. Was late, we spent a lot, but again not the best night out I've had.
Sunday roamed abit more of the city- mainly looking for some Adidas jacket Jonny wanted; 'Ive been dreaming about it man' but the only thing we aquired was sore feet. Chilled out and waited in anticipation for Neighbours Night!

Neighbours Night...
Ahhhh. It all went a bit loopy this one. On the bill for celeb meeting was Janel and Dylan (only vaguely know them) Toadie(!) and we had a special night because the band playing at the pub that night, 'Waiting Room', was fronted by none other than DR.CARL.KENNEEEEDYYYYYY!!!
We got there nice and early and you couldnt help but notice that the room was full of women- so bloke backpackers take note- a great pulling ground of Brit backpackers. Probably explains why Jason, before we started going out, had stayed in Melbourne for 3 weeks and went to the neighbours night every week. This was his fourth Neighbours Night, the sad individual.
We sat on a table with a couple, and three girls from Scotland and got very, very pissed. On a large screen various Neighbours 'Weddings' including Daphanies and Charleens played to the crowd and got us in the mood. There was a quiz (ridiculously hard) and then the 'stars' came out to do a Q&A. Then they roamed around so you could have your picture taken with them- each had a bouncer and they would only stay with you for a pic- they wouldnt sign anything or, even when I chased Toadie around the pub, speak to your mates on the phone. So I called him a wanker. But I was, um, a bit worse for wear. One of the Scottish girls was like "I cant beleive Toadies married!! Apparently before he was married he slept with all the fans. I canne agree with sleepin wie' a married man but I would def shag Toadie!!"
I was aghast!!! I mean a) that she wanted to sleep with some poor girls husband and b) that it was repulsive Toadie. Backpackers, man. Some sluts out there and no mistake.
By the time Dr. Carl came on I was wasted. They started with The Killers 'Somebody Told Me' and the way I ran onto the dancefloor to dance right in front of him you would have thought it was The Killers Brandon Flowers and not some middle aged soap actor. While I was shaking my thing Jason had to continually tell some persistent bird that that the mess on the dancefloor was infact his girlfriend, thankyou very much, and then eventually I had to be practically carried out of the pub. If anyone recieved a messy phonecall from Jason that night (or myself, I cant really remember) then apologies from both of us. Such a mess.... we needed an extra day to recover before we picked up our hire car for the Great Ocean Road.

The Great Ocean Road
This was all about a bit of scenic culture. It took three days and two nights and in it we covered the Twelve Apostles- we stopped and had a cheeky helicopter ride above them and I was actually a bit scared again. Seems my fear of flying is returning- will have to jump out of another plane to get rid of it. We passed countless beautiful beaches and if it were Aussie summer we would have gone for a swim- but it was sunny, not warm. Also I have to say that south Victoria and Southern Australia has some stunning countryside- very like the rolling hills of the UK- it was a surprise. The second day we headed to the Grampians National Park to check out The Balconies and take a few scenic pics. Alot of forestation had been burnt in the New Years bush fires so some areas where sectioned off. When we got to the Balconies (unusual cliff edges like, well, a balcony) we waited until there were no tourists/rangers about before climbing over the safety rail and posing on the said cliff edges for photos. It was safe Ma dont worry...
Had a night in a YHA ecological hostel (all solar powered and quite swanky for a hostel) and cooked and then headed to Adelaide.

Adelaide
Not lots to tell as I wind this one up. Adelaide is a small fairly cute city. Bits of it reminded me of Hobart and it was just chilled. We stayed in a St Kilda-esque seaside area called Glenelg in a bit of a ropey backpackers that was full of sport students and then realised that the tour Jonny and I were supposed to be joining wouldnt pick us up from that area. On the Saturday night we three went to visit Jason's Auntie Juliette and her family. She cooked us a traditional Indian curry which was delish, and her husband Aussie Uncle Rob 'showed' us the garden which was just an excuse for this Aussie ex smoker to bum a cig off Jonny- only to be caught later by his wife. He also rummaged around under his window ledges so we could see some Red Back spiders. Honestly my skin was crawling just looking. Then the whole family, thats Aunt, Uncle and 3 children drove us up to Windy Point to have a night time view of Adelaide- lovely.
Sunday was my last day with Jason before he headed to Thailand. We moved hostels to the city, and went to a Chinese resturant before heading to some random club that had a Hed Kandi DJ on. I had met some FrenchMaurituius bird on the tram that day so she came out too.It was very late, and the next day I was in a very hungover, foul mood as I hugged my boyfriend goodbye and climbed on a tour bus to the outback.