Crikey! East Roller-Coast-er!

Well then I have grew my brain back now to sufficiently cover the rest of this East Coast jaunt. Byron Bay managed a couple of days of fair (if not warm) weather and then we were on the Greyhound to 'Brizzy' in search of the Australian Zoo, as owned by the man, the legend, Steve Irwin. We checked into what has to be the worst hostel I have ever stayed in - the Princes Consort- into a 22 man dorm that was full of farting Irish Pikey football scallys who were all sleeping off a football watching hangover in anticipation of the next match that would be on that night. We didn't hang around. Brisbane So here's a tip. The Australian Zoo is 2 hours train ride from Brisbane. And more on the way back. So that was a bit of an arse. When we eventually got there we paid our 40 bucks and asked eagerly if we'd see Steve. We didn't actually expect to because having asked people up and down the coast if they had seen him the response was always NO. He's too busy and famous now. So we checked out the Koalas (ahhhh so gorgeous) and then wandered over to the wombats. Then some of the 'Parkies' sectioned off a bit of road and then a whole load of Channel 7 News crew set up. And a procession of animals (owls, snakes, a couple of dingos, a koala, a wombat etc) were led in front of them. Then the Queensland Rugby Team turn up and are led into the clearing. Then a motorbike razzes right past us and Steve Irwin, in all his khaki glory, hops off and gives the rugby team, and us, a private show! RIPPER!!!. Despite it raining AGAIN, that, and actually handling a koala made our bloomin day. They feel, as Jenny correctly put it, like furry babies. Sooooo lovely. Ahhh. I want one. Watched a Croc show (bloody scary) and then Steve did a bit of an extra show for the cameras so definitely got our moneys worth. Then after an action packed day at the zoo, it took 3 hours to get back to Brizzy. This country, it has to be said, is too bloody big. Hervey Bay & Fraser Island We arrived into a very quiet damp, drizzly Hervey Bay and checked into Kookaburras Hostel. Old and rickety but it had a nicer feel than the 18 to 30's complex 'Koalas' down the road. We had an orientation meeting to meet the group we would be driving & camping with on the Fraser Island national park. In our 4x4 for the next 3 days were the 3 Irish girls : Lorraine, Sarah and Jo. The French pair Marie and Julie. The solo young Brit, Olivia. And ourselves. Jason and the chicks... An old solider by the name of Bob came to give us a lecture on the 4x4 he would be renting us and scared the bejesus out of us in order to get extra insurance for the vehicle. We watched a dodgey video on how to deal with Dingos and how not to aquaplane on the beach, and left with an itinarey with tide times and what to see & do, and a roof-rack full of camping equipment and food. The weather still wasn't on our side. The sun peaked out while we drove, and it rained as soon as we reached any destination. We arrived at the much anticipated Lake McKenzie, which if you have ever seen pictures, is usually a tropical paradise with dazzling aquamarine colours and is on many postcards. It still looked stunning but we English kept our clothes on. The crackers Irish and French whipped off their clothes and had a splash around but I promise it didn't look like fun. It was around this point our group started to size up all of the other 4x4 groups that were around. Assuming many where in groups on as random a basis as our own, it looked like many of the other vans hated each others guts. We all quite liked each other which was a bit of a relief. To sum up the safari I can say on our first night camping, we erected all 5 tents only for the ranger to come and tell us we were camping on a restricted part of the beach. All had to come down again and the sun was down by 5pm and it was getting chilly. We cooked beef stew in the dark and all of us, despite the best intentions to 'Slap the Goon' were in bed by 9pm... The next morning we headed to Indian Head, got rained on, watched the French swim in the freezing Champange Pools, and then had a breath taking walk along the beach. Then spent too long cooking lunch- which was some radio active looking orange frankfurter hotdogs. We checked out the Maheno ship wreck and for some reason when we headed for camp, we'd missed the tide and had to go, wait for it, OFF OUR ITINARY!!! Gasp. We spent the next two hours in the dark bumping along the roughest track in the forest with the intention of finding a campsite. Which we didn't end up finding. Eventually came out to a bit of beach and after the Irish jumped out to see if there was a close camping spot- we found one. Windy as you like and utterly dark there was no way we would be able to cook the 9 steaks provided on our food list on a shitty two bar camping stove. We got three of the tents up, Lorraine, Jenny and Olivia opted to sleep in the van and then we all squeezed in, with the trusty Ipod and speakers, ate potato salad and hard boiled eggs and got PLASTERED on box wine til midnight. It was Ace. Finished off the trip not bothering with Lake Wabby because the breakfast we had been provided required a decent cooking area and Wabby was too far away, so went back to a cold Lake McKenzie- felt smug looking at all of the other groups who looked like they hated each other, and then found a great BBQ spot in a place called Central Station, in the middle of the bush, where French 'Shhhooolie' cooked up some fantastic steak wraps and rice and anything else left in our food supplies. Such a wiz with the food, she was proof that actually, you can indeed polish a turd. We were all delighted, despite our fun and games on the island, to return after 3 days of not showering to lovely hot showers in Hervey Bay. Said our sad goodbyes to the group over a meal in the Irish pub O'Hoolihans and left all the girls with one of those dodgey Nimbim cookies because we couldn't face them again. Then we got on the overnight bus to Airle Beach. Airle Beach & the Whitsundays It wasn't a bad overnight bus to be fair. We got into a promisingly sunny Airlie Beach and checked into the 18-30's hell hole that is Magnums backpackers. We'd had a call from the boat we'd booked saying the motor was out and they wanted to replace our boat with an inferior deal. No. Way. Had several barneys on the phone with some geezer called Peter. Had some drinks in the Slagpackers bar. Heres the notice board for the club 'entertainment'. Monday - Pole dancing competition Tuesday - Wet T-shirt competition Wednesday - Jelly wrestling Thursday - Wild wild west bucking bronco... Eck-fucking-cetra. Cant think why Jason looked so pleased with the place but anyway... Next day managed to sort out the mess up with our boat and ended up swinging a SWEET deal in the form of this catarmaran and leaving for the Whitsundays by lunch. We spent the next 3 days scuba diving, snorkeling and eating the best food I have ever been supplied on any trip. With a new group of people, we were amongst Irish and Dutch, a couple of Koreans and 3 lovely Canadians called Jackie, Travis and Julie. The first night we had a few Goons and loads of food and then watched a pretty impressive slide show from the crew of films and photos they had taken of us. Then we watched Bruce Almighty and fell asleep. Went to Hamilton and Hayman Island (amongst others) and snorkeled and scuba'd around there but visibility poor for diving- much better for snorkeling and whilst doing the latter we saw a turtle and 'Nemo' Clown fish etc. We visited Whitehaven Beach which has been voted no 2 best beach in the world by National Geographic but now no 1 has been devastated by some natural disaster I guess its officially The most beautiful beach in the world. Plenty pf photo opps etc. At one point we got caught in some really choppy weather so I lay out belly flat on the cat nets and clung on for life while I got OBLITERATED by the crashing waves. Mental. That night we had a few drinking games, good old Fuzzy Duck got dragged out, and then the Aussie themed 'Gday Bruce' which meant you sat in a circle and turn to the next person saying: 'G'day Bruce' 'G'day Bruce' Look past your neighbour and nod a gesture saying : 'Say Gday to Bruce, Bruce'. If you messed this up you became a Sheila, a Harold, a Madge etc. The Canadians had a problem with pronoucing Madge and opted for Match- or Marge. The Koreans would have made you wet yourself. Aaaaaanyway. It all got a bit lairy, as it can on the old Goon, and Travis and myself, it would be fair to say, made a bit of a tit of oursleves as we got carried away with making up a music 'Goon Top 20' including 'Red Goon, you saw me standing alone' or 'I like Red Goon and I cannot lie, you other fellas can deny' or 'You drank the whole of me Goon' or 'I like to goon it goon it' and other classics. There were some dance routines, apparently on a camcorder destined for Canada and I hope never to see again... And we all really smacked, spanked and slapped that goon. Some of us ended up in the boat jacuzzi (yes it was that swish) at midnight looking at the Southern Cross and it really was a top night. Bit fragile in the morning but Powerplays excellent brekkie sorted us out before we head back and before we knew it, we were back on the Greyhound and heading for Mission Beach. Mission Beach & the Tully River Ended up staying in a rather nice motel for the two nights we stayed at Mission-dead-and-out-of-season-Beach. The whole point of day one was for Jenny and Jason to do a sky dive. The odds didn't look good as the cloud cover was total all morning and some of the afternoon. In NZ it would definitely be a no-jump day. However Pauls Extreme Skydiving wasn't going to be done out of his 460 dollars a jump/video that easily and eventually I waved goodbye to the pair of them and went down to the drop point on the beach. I was jealous, but I couldn't afford to do another one. Well, you would have to see the video footage to appreciate this, but Jenny, who at the beginning of the trip was like 'Er no, I don't think I want to do a Sky dive' is all smiles in the plane like she's going on a rollercoaster instead of jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet and then drops the whole way wooping and hollering and doing some weird flappy bird like motions in the air. Jason, who has been wanting to do a jump since ever, clearly looks like he's shitting himself. Hahahahaha (owwwwww, no need for the clip round my ear!) They both, of course, loved it. The next day we had a full day white water rafting the Tully River. Our instructor, Karoo was a very funny and sweet Japanese dude who abused all of the other rafts with an 'Excoose me' and then giving the middle finger, unduly splashing them and taunting females on other rafts. 'Excooose me. Lady!' Not you, da one next to you! I like da way you paddle! I give you 5 dollar! Okay 2 for 8' etc. He garbled entertaining rubbish the whole day: 'This is an old aboriginal word- it mean 'good for rafting' and also made sure we all ended up in the freezing water. He was a dude to be fair. We got dry, we got back to Mission Beach, we got our arses on the last bus to Cairns! Cairns We checked into the Hotel/Hostel that is Gilligans and spent Jennys last whole day wandering around Cairns and lazing by the lagoon. If you don't pay for it (ie, diving, jet skiing etc) then there isn't a whole lot to do here. We had a few jars that night and the next day it was sad farewells.... sniff... The day after, Heather and Ian (trusty Sydney crew) turned up along with their friends Beth, Lindsay and Amber so we had a go on the kareoke until they kicked us out and then watched a bit of world cup. We dived the Great Barrier Reef but I don't think you need me to wesh on about all of the beautiful coral and fish so I wont. It was lovely but the sunshine let it down a bit and we didn't see any turtles or reef sharks much to my utter regret :( We did have a lovely day trip to the Daintree Rainforest with the most informative guide since Jonny Ball Reveals All called George, had a bit of a kayak in a rainforest lagoon and saw lots of creatures such as the Rainbow Dragon and two MASSIVE Guranas that put on a bit of a show near the beach of Cape Tribulation. It looked like the 'I'm a Celeb' set. Postcard perfect. Despite being knackered it was another goodbye night so we all headed to the NICEST THAI RESTURANT outside of Thailand, had a few more beers and then headed to the crowded Shenanigans for the England match. All good..... So its the last day here - just waiting for a plane back to Sydney where we will then head to Perisher Valley, Charlottes Pass being the highest ski resort in Australia where me and the boy will be changing peoples beds in exchange for snowboard lessons for the next 10 weeks... Snow? In Australia?! Yes indeedy....